Yes, I know, you get visions of Ghost Buster’s in your head when you hear a word like that, but I’m not referring to some “not from this world” slime dripping off of a ghoulish figure. I figured it was time for me to make my lasting contribution to the pipe smoking community, and I will do so in the form of a word, Ecto-Goop.
After a conversation in the #pipes chat on sorcery.net., I got to thinking. There are all these various words that are often unique or borrowed for use in our little hobby. Cake, Broken Cake, Dottle, Flake, Broken Flake, Ribbon, Twist, Cube, Sliced, Weed, Shank, Bowl, Rim, Chamber, Bit, Tamp, Char, Blast, Grain, Straight Grain, Cross Grain, Bullseye, Birdseye and I could go on and on.
One word that we use often is Goop. Now this tends to have a pretty simple meaning, and I’m sure we have all experienced it in our pipe smoking days. Thats right, we have all been there, opened up that jar of tobacco, took a deep whiff of its wonderfully sweet aroma. Had that sensation of apple pie, or vanilla ice cream and started salivating at the thought. So what do we do, we buy ourselves an ounce, excited about the prospect of tasting those same sweet aromas. We rush home, pick out our favorite pipe, and load up. Then comes the fun, strike the match and light… and then… YAK ! It sure as hell doesn’t taste like it smelled, and aside from the burning sensation on our tongue, you realize you have a whole damn ounce of this mud. Well, you suffer through it and when you empty out that first pipe full, you notice that there is a nice chunk of tobacco in the bottom of your pipe. No, its not dottle, we all know that dottle is the partially burned maybe even some unburnt tobacco mixed with some ash in the bottom after a bowl. This is far from dottle. You look down into that little chamber and catch yourself debating whether to grab your pipe tool or the power drill. You conclude that the power drill may damage your precious pipe, so you settle on your pipe tool. You dig, and dig, and dig… and then… KERPLUNK !!! Out comes this mass… this… chunk of stuff. You poke at it a bit… and have visions of your wife swatting a bug as is scurries across the floor. Alas, it doesn’t move, it just sits there. You quickly empty your ashtray along with the chunk of stuff into the garbage, for fear that it may mutate into something larger and consume every good piece of briar you own.
Ever wonder what this is, that chunk of stuff… well… its Ecto-Goop. Yes, mutated, evolved, inhuman, unnatural, disgusting, sad excuse for tobacco bi product. So, next time you consider buying that apple pie flavored tobacco, remember the Ecto-Goop that may invade not only your pipe, but also your home, and possibly… the world. Anything that can do this deserves more than being called goop, its most certainly Ecto-Goop.